Welcome to Visionary’s Pursuit, a podcast where we explore what it takes to turn your bold and inspiring ideas into reality. I'm Carolina Zuleta. I'm a life and business coach and your host for this podcast. I'm thrilled to have you here.Â
Hi everyone. Welcome back. This is episode 54 of the Visionaries Pursuit Podcast. Today I'm recording this with so much gratitude as I'm reflecting back on September. It was such a big month for me and for my business.
One of the things I've learned on this journey of being an entrepreneur is that I'm always in the middle, and it's actually a conversation I've had with some of my clients recently. It's the idea that when we started the business, we were at the beginning, but hopefully for the rest of our lives or for as long as we wanna have this businesses, we are in the middle.
We are in constant progress. And what that means is holding the celebration of doing something that came from our brains and it's now a reality. While on the other side, we can hold all the things we wanna do, the things we wanna improve.
Because it's so easy to look at where we missed the mark or all the things we still wanna do and our ambition and feel a little bit down, a little bit guilty, a little bit sad because we're not there yet.
But when we change that perspective and we think that there is no arriving, there is no one day I'll be completely done, but that we're always a work in progress. We get to celebrate. The messy middle where yes, we have achieved some things we set our minds to, and no, we haven't done it all. There's still a lot we wanna do and accomplish.
One of my brothers, his name is Sebastian. He is a musician. He composes and edits music for movies, and there's this beautiful thing he does every time he has a new gig. For example, he's working on a movie for Disney and he arrives to the studio lot for example, he sees a parking spot that has his name assigned to it. He takes a picture and he shares it with me and we celebrate.
And the way we celebrate is we remember when he was 18, 19 years old and he started school and he started studying to be able to do what he does now.
And we imagine what that Ian, who was 18 or 19 years old would think about him now arriving to Walt Disney Studios and seeing a parking spot under his name. And we think about this young guy, how he would be ecstatic about seeing this new reality. I actually think he would be blown away. He wouldn't believe that this dream had actually come true.
And I think we can all do that. We can all remember the version of ourselves who first dreamed of achieving wherever you are today. And be so excited for the growth you've had for the goals you have currently achieved.
So I'm starting this episode today being so grateful for the young Carolina version when I was 25 years old, who imagined having a coaching business, who imagined working from home, who imagined having the freedom to work at whatever hours he chose to who had the ambition and who has brought me here. And even though this is just the beginning for me, because I have such a big vision and big goals I wanna achieve, I still wanna celebrate this moment. And I invite you to do the same.
So anyway, cheers to the messy middle. To the middle of September or end of September, where we're celebrating wherever we are.
And now turning into today's topic. So as probably, you know. Most of the topics I come up with for the podcast are born out of conversations I have with my clients. And today's no exception.
First we are in the middle of the sales module with the current Visionary Mindset program class, and we've been talking all about how to sell our products, our services, how to be excited about what we're doing, how to. Influence our clients to buy.
But it also comes from one of my clients who has a big project and it's getting stuck in the bank, and she's a little bit frustrated that things are not moving forward as she wants them to. Or another client who's not an entrepreneur, but she's a top executive and she just inherited a new team.
And she's having a hard time with this team, getting them motivated to be able to support her in achieving her goals. So when I think about all of these conversations, what they have in common is our ability to influence other human beings.
When I was back in business school, I remember that classes like microeconomics and statistics, they were really important and we would all spend lots of time studying to pass the tests. And there were a topic of conversation, but I remember one time one of our professors said, don't worry so much about statistics or microeconomics, really, when you go out into the real world. Your problems are not gonna be necessarily about numbers. You certainly need to understand those, but your biggest challenges are gonna be about people.
The more I have experience in businesses and helping and supporting my clients and students, I know this is true.
At the end of the day, businesses are not just the numbers, businesses are people. And as leaders, our ability to influence others, it's huge. We need to influence people to buy our products or services, investors to give us money for our businesses. Gatekeepers, people who are at the banks or you know, lawyers or people that we need them to sign a letter of intent or a term sheet, and they're on the other side.
And we need to learn how to influence so we can get to our goals. So that's what I want this podcast to be about. I wanna share my thoughts about influence. The things that I think are fundamental to take into account when we're wanting to influence other people.
Let me start by clarifying what influence is not. Influence is not convincing. Convincing is about making another person believe the same things that I believe. Influence is about listening and understanding and helping the other person make decisions that genuinely work for them.
Influence is also not manipulation. Manipulation is about . You trying to get what you want, regardless of whether it benefits the other person influence is about them. Yes, you're connecting your vision or your product or service to them, but in a way that genuinely serves their needs or goals.
In the Visionary Mindset program, when we talk about sales, we describe sales as the process through which you help another person make the decision that is best for them. I genuinely believe that if we're thinking about long-term businesses, you know, businesses that sustain over time, sales and influence cannot be about winning this sale.
It has to be about establishing a relationship based on trust and honesty. You know, when you're trying to manipulate, you are trying to hide the real agenda. You will feel sneaky or pushy or misleading versus when you're influencing.
You're gonna feel open and transparent. You are gonna invite collaboration, not coercion. When we manipulate usually the other person ends up feeling used, pressured, regretful.
One. I don't think that's a good thing to do, period. Morally, but also it's not good for business. You want your business partners, clients, gatekeepers, to have a relationship with you that makes them feel understood, aligned, empowered, excited, looking forward to working with you again. And I wanna make this clear before I move on to giving you ideas on how you can improve your influence, how you can get better at this.
So the next thing I wanna say here is that the person you must learn to influence the most is yourself. One of the exercises we do with the Visionary Mindset Program is that we take a look at the products and services we're selling or the ideas we're selling to investors, and we look at them in terms of how much we believe in them, how do we honestly feel about the promises we're making to others?
When we're out in the world trying to influence others to buy or help us achieve something, if we are not in alignment with it, if we are not fully believing in it, if we're not in the certainty that whatever we're promising is true, that's gonna come through, our doubts are gonna come through. The person with the most certainty in a situation will ultimately influence the other.
So before you start thinking about how do I influence someone to partner with me, buy from me, et cetera I want you to put it through your own thoughts. How strong do you feel about what you're selling? You can even rank it one to 10, 10 being like, yes, I a hundred percent believe in what I'm selling. I think it's a great investment for this and that type of person. And one being like, I actually don't believe it. I want other people to buy it, but if I was on the other side, I am not sure that I would and have this very honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself why.
Why are you convinced or why are you not convinced about it? Address your own obstacles, your own doubts. If you do notice that there's doubts, don't make that wrong. We can all have doubts, but instead of ignoring them address them, put them on paper. If you need to make changes to your service or your product so you can feel better about it, go ahead and do it.
So the bottom line here is before you go out to the world to sell, to influence, to get people to support you, make sure that you are 100% aligned and excited. And convinced and certain that whatever you are offering, it's something you would love to buy, invest in, support.
I see myself as being in the business of influence. When I'm coaching my clients, what I'm doing is influencing them to become the person they really wanna become, to achieve the dreams that are authentic to their hearts, to live up to the values that matter to them.
So because I'm in the business of influence, I've studied it, I've been very curious about it. And one of the first topics I studied was trust. I remember when I was first becoming a coach, I asked myself the question, how can I get people to trust me? How can I get people to open up? And I read a book that's called The Speed of Trust. And one of the things that I still remember about that book is that it said that when I trust someone, there is a biological reaction in their brains that makes them wanna trust me.
For me, coaching is influencing another person to become the best version of themselves, to pursue the dreams that are authentic to them, to live up to the values that matter the most to them. To let go of fear so they can live their most fulfilled, authentic, amazing lives.
So what I'm gonna share next about influence are some of the tips I'm calling them pillars I've learned throughout the years that have made me and can make any of us better influencers. And the first pillar is trust.
I remember when I first became a coach. I was very interested in understanding how could I get people to trust me, to open up with me to vulnerably share what they wanted, their fears, their insecurities. So I read a book that's called The Speed of Trust, and one of the things that has stayed with me from that book is that it said when.
I trust someone and that person feels trusted by me. There is a chemical reaction that happens in their brain that makes them wanna trust me. So when we're influencing someone, if we genuinely find a way of trusting them, of demonstrating that trust to them, what's gonna happen is that they're going to genuinely wanna trust us.
Ask yourself this person that I'm trying to influence, how much do I actually trust them? And if it's someone that I can't trust, it's important that you know that. But it is someone that you can trust, but for some reason you have judgments or opinions that are making you distrust them, address those.
Because when you don't trust someone, they're going to feel it and then they're gonna not wanna trust you back. This is the case of my client that I mentioned earlier, whom she has something that she needs someone in the bank to approve. The person who is owning this process is taking their sweet time and she's getting very frustrated about it.
So when I asked her how much you trust this employee of the bank, she was like, I don't, I think they're incompetent. I think they're not wanting to help me. I think that the reason why my business is not achieving what it needs to achieve is because of them, and I'm actually very upset with them.
And although all of that is true, she's upset because that other person is taking longer than she would want them to. Her not trusting that person is gonna come through in every conversation she's gonna have with this bank employee.
And that's not gonna help her at all because what she needs is to have a good relationship with this person at the bank, a genuine good relationship so that person can help her.
So as I often do in my coaching sessions, I told her, let's look at what Bren Brown has to say about trust in her book Atlas of the Heart. One of the things that stuck with us from reading from this book is this part, and she writes, " distrust is a general assessment that says what is important to me is not safe with this person in this situation."
So if you think about it, trust is when someone feels that something that is important to them is safe with us. Going to the story about my client, I asked her, what is important to this employee in the bank? And we thought for a little bit and we said, well, probably doing her job well, being recognized by her supervisor approving things that are gonna make her look good.
She probably doesn't wanna approve a loan that is gonna be a bad deal that is gonna make her lose her reputation at work. She probably cares about clients and other people approving of her.
So I told my client, okay, how can we make sure that what matters to this employee at the bank is something that is safe with you? How do we demonstrate to her, meaning to the employee of the bank that you care about how this employee will be perceived in her work. How do we explain to her that approving your loan is actually gonna make her look good and get a good reputation at work.
And honestly, this is something my client had never thought about. She had never thought about that employee of the bank as a real human being with real human needs and desires and things my client could care about.
This person you're trying to influence, what is important to them and how can you make that thing that is important to them be safe with you? And this cannot be a pretend or a fake thing, I'm gonna say to make them believe, this has to be genuine.
Because as human beings, we read through the lines incredibly well. We hear way more and we understand way better than nonverbal language, than whatever we're saying in words. So make sure it's authentic to you.
Here's a couple more things about building trust with someone.
One. Call out the vibe. If you're in a conversation and you're noticing there's distrust, call it out. Address it. You can say, Hey, you know, my interpretation of what's happening here is that you're not trusting what I'm saying, or that there's something here that has broken our trust, is that the case? And be vulnerable. Have an honest conversation about it. Show them that you care about establishing rapport and trust with them.
Another one is earn the right for them to trust you. Become a trustworthy person. Sometimes that might look like if you are selling a product or service, you are sharing value, you're helping them, you are hearing them before you start asking for things, before you start making requests.
Another way that I think we can build trust is by positioning ourselves as an expert. We can make the other person feel at ease when they know that we're in control, that we know what we're doing, that we got them, that we can figure this out, that we've done it before.
I know that in my coaching sessions when I'm talking with a new client and maybe they tell me something like, oh, I'm not, I don't know if I'm the only one that, or maybe they have some tears and they're worried that they're sharing tears with me in the coaching session. I always just say, listen, you're a human being. I talk with human beings all day long. I promise you, you're not the only one going through this or thinking in this way. Emotions don't scare me. You can cry. You can be angry here. I got you. Creating that safety, that certainty for the other person builds trust.
So the first pillar of influence is trust. The second one is removing the judgment you might have about the other person. You can't influence anyone if you're judging them, especially yourself.
Remember going back to that first thing I said, that the first person you need to influence is yourself. Well, you also need to remove the judgements you have about yourself. When we become aware of the judgments we have about the other person, about the criticism we might have of them and we challenge that and we move them to the side and we look at that person with genuine curiosity, trying to really understand who they are, what matters to them, what they care about. We then have access to influencing them.
Again, going back to this example that I've shared with my client, she was judging the person at the bank and therefore she would easily get frustrated. Her tone would be a little bit more rough, but the moment that in our coaching session, we took the time to remove those judgements to connect my client to her own curiosity about that other person, give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Not immediately imagine that they're trying to hurt you or stop you from achieving your goals, but that that other person has an entire world they're thinking about and their concerns and their worries, and that you're not the center of their universe. That opening allowed my client to start thinking of a new way of relating to this bank employee and therefore influencing them better.
same thing applied to another of my clients who is not an entrepreneur. She's an executive, and she just inherited a new team. And she's very frustrated with this team because they're not performing how she expects them or wants them to. They're complaining often. They're having a lot of excuses as to why they can't do their work.
Judging her team and thinking of them as, lazy or wanting the easy way out was not allowing her to really connect with them. So the challenge I gave her was to actually listen to their story, to their past. It sounded like they've had other bosses that haven't taken care of them, who haven't really supported them in thriving and doing their jobs well, and they have a lot of probably resentment about that.
So what my client set up to do is have a conversation with them. She was simply trying to understand their experience, how they felt, what stories they've come up with based on their circumstances, and also what their desires and needs are, but , we cannot really get to know the other person right. When we're judging them. We're seeing them through our own lens. When we're open and with curiosity and empathy, we're understanding them for who they are and the experience they're having.
Which leads me to the third pillar, which is we only influence people by the things that already matter to them. And in order to understand what truly matters to each individual we need to understand and get to know what the other person's needs, values, goals, desires are. To be able to connect what already matters to them, to our own vision, our own goal, or what we need from them.
So going back to the examples I've shared, right, the client who's trying to influence this person in the bank, the moment we were able to understand this bank's employee and understand that their needs and desires were to, you know, look good in front of their boss to do a good job, that they approved things that were safe and were a good investment for the bank.
And we started thinking how can we connect this loan she has to sign for my client to those needs? How can we make a better conversation about why her being a champion for my client's business inside the bank was gonna be a good career move for her. Then we had more access to influencing the person in the bank.
Also with my client who inherited the team by taking the time to really understand their experience what she learned is that these employees need safety. They've changed bosses over and over and over for the last three years. Every boss comes in with a new story about how things are gonna be great, and then leave them hanging.
Of course they're not gonna trust her, not because of her, not because of my client, but because of their own experiences, because they feel left out. They feel like they don't matter. They feel that they've been failing, but that it's not because of them, but because they haven't been set up for success
And their motives is to get promoted, to be seen, to be appreciated and with our revolving door of bosses, they're not able to do that. So my client, instead of seeing them as apathetic or lazy. She finally understood that they, they have lost motivation for real reasons, and being able to have a conversation with them about that and have them feel understood. She won trust. Not that everything was solved, but she want access to start influencing them towards her vision and her goals.
So by making the time to listen, to understand, to see them for who they really are, and they experience their living she made herself trustworthy, meaning worthy of their trust. Worthy of them opening up to her so she can guide them to outcomes she truly believes are gonna be best for her, of course, but also for the company, but most importantly, for the team, for all the individuals that are there.
So for me, those are the top three pillars of influence. Knowing how to build trust, removing judgment and finding out what already matters to the other person. Now, here are some common mistakes I see people falling for when they're trying to influence. Number one, talking more than listening.
Ooh. When we talk and talk and talk and talk and talk, we think we're convincing the other person, but really what we're doing is killing connection. One of the things I learned from my husband, who's a brilliant seller and who's taught me so much about influence as well, is that when you're, for example, at a networking event, if you spend more time listening to people, people are gonna feel more connected to you then if you spend that same amount of time talking about you and how great you are, all the things you're doing.
Listening, I believe is one of the most undervalued skills, learning to be a great listener and by great listener it's not just hearing words, but understanding the meaning behind them. Understanding the message to the other person wants to communicate to you. You will have a superpower to build trust and build influence. So when you're influencing, just shut up and listen and truly listen. Don't listen trying to think what you're gonna respond, or if you agree or don't agree, like genuinely try to understand the other person.
Second thing is trying to influence based only on logic. Listen, we are emotional beings. If there's one message I think I've conveyed in almost every episode is that emotions are what make us human. We are emotional beings. We don't make decisions based on logic only. We don't decide to purchase something, invest in a business, help someone based on logic alone. Our decisions are based on our emotions.
And yes, later we justify them with logic. But at the core of decision making for human beings is their emotion. So pay attention. How is the other person feeling? How can you make them feel safe? How can you make them feel seen and valued and heard and understood? Those are the things that matter
Also, check in with yourself. How's your energy when you're going to influence? You can't show up to influence someone when you're in low energy and you're not feeling great and you're tired. You have to be in a really powerful state. You can't be in a needy state. You have to be in a state that is connected to sufficiency and abundance and possibility and desire. So check in with yourself as well. How are you feeling when you're influencing someone else?
Another common mistake, is pushing your agenda instead of aligning with theirs. Influence is not about convincing someone to believe the same things that you believe, but it's about finding what matters to them and connecting that to your vision or to your goal.
And last, I think I also mentioned it, is ignoring what truly drives them. Not paying attention to what matters to them. Believing that something that matters to you should matter to them. Every human being is different. What drives each of us is unique and you're taking the time to understand what drives them is what's gonna give you your power to influence.
Here's a quick example. Let's say my husband and I are going to buy a car. The way that car salespeople will influence each of us is completely different. To Andrew, they would probably talk about, engineering specs and the motor, something like that. To me, it will all be about the sound system, how easily I can connect my phone to it, how beautiful it looks inside. I couldn't care less about the motor. I don't even understand it.
For someone who's telling us cars, it's gonna be very important they understand what matters to each of us and talk to us in our own language in a way that we can understand why that car would be the best decision for us.
One thing we haven't talked about is when you realize that what that person wants and needs is not what you can offer them you need to invest in the relationship long term and be honest with them and tell them that this is not the best option for them, and redirect them and help them find the best solution for them.
If you do that, they might not buy from you today, but they might recommend you to a friend or a family member who can buy from you. Or maybe at some other point in time they're gonna come back to you. So remember, influence is a long-term game. It's building trust and rapport with people that will support you and help you in the long term of your business.
Okay, so my fellow entrepreneurs influence is not optional. It is the oxygen of our business and it's the most important ability we need to develop in order to achieve our goals and our vision. So remember to check in with yourself before you go to influence someone. Are you in a powerful state? Are you judging them? Do you believe in what you're selling? Have you taken the time to understand that other human being and build trust and rapport? Are you speaking to their needs, their language, their values? Are you being honest? If you follow the pillars I shared with you today, you're gonna get so much better at this.
And if you do it with integrity and honesty, you're going to be able to play the longest game. All right, my friends, I'll see you next time.
If you're currently pursuing a big, bold idea and would love some support, let's talk. In my coaching program, I'll teach you how to manage yourself, your own thoughts and emotions. as well as your team and your money so you can turn your beautiful idea into a reality. Go now to carozuleta.com slash consult that is c a r o z u l e t a dot com slash consult and complete the form to book a complimentary call with me.
See you there!Â
