Welcome to Visionaryā€™s Pursuit, a podcast where we explore what it takes to turn your bold and inspiring ideas into reality. I'm Carolina Zuleta. I'm a life and business coach and your host for this podcast.Ā I'm thrilled to have you here.Ā
Hi, welcome back. This is episode 83 of The Visionary's Pursuit podcast.
I just wanted to share a little update because it just has me feeling so happy and with a smile on my face.
So my oldest daughter, Maya, turned nine yesterday, and we had the most beautiful and special birthday party. So Maya loves horses, and since she was very young, and currently she's doing equestrian vaulting, it's kind of like doing gymnastics on a horse. And she told me months ago that she wanted her birthday party to be with horses and her friends, and of course, I'm like running around, where can we do that?
And I met a woman who owns a place where she teaches kids and adults how to ride horses, but also she uses the horses in therapy for many people who have anxiety or some type of maybe mental Health issue. I met her, we talked, she explained how she does birthday parties. And one of the things I learned from her is that it's not just about having the horses ready for the kids to ride them, but it's really about teaching kids how to connect to the horses. So during the party, the kids took turns riding three horses, doing obstacle courses, then they got to make a salad for the horses, then they got to paint a horse and wash a horse.
It was so beautiful and special. And anyway, all of us, I think we, our hearts are full. Maya told us it was the best day of her life. All of her friends were so excited about the activities we did. But why I also wanted to share this with you is because Laura, the owner of this place, is the type of founder or the type of business owner that I most admire.
Because first, her offer was very clear. She said, "Here's how we do birthday parties." I tried to push back and negotiate and maybe do something a little bit different, and she stuck to her offer. She explained to me very gently and lovingly why the offer was like it was. She explained her values, that safety was number one, and that that's why we were only gonna have three horses, even if there were 10 kids.
She walked me through the values of her company, the thinking behind how they structure birthday parties for kids. And she was willing to lose me as a client because, Maya wanted horses for all her friends and to go riding, and she didn't offer that.
But the way she explained it to me, and she also even explained it to Maya, which was so sweet, we ended up accepting. So that's one thing, which is related to today's episode, she knows her business, she knows her values. But the other thing that really surprised me, she went above and beyond to make this experience incredibly special.
For example, since everything was outdoors, I wanted to have a tent for the parents to be able to sit down in case it rained or if the sun was too hot. She said, "I got you." And on her own time, she found a company that rented the tents. She talked to them, she paid for it, and she just put the amount on my invoice at the end. Also, it hadn't been an hour after the party had ended when she sent me a video of the entire experience, and it was so beautiful and moving.
She had captured those moments where the kids are laughing, when Maya was feeling like at the top of the world. Her smile in that video is something I'll carry with me always. She had a very clear offer. She wasn't also the cheapest option. I think actually she was one of the most expensive options.
But she understood the value, what she was offering, and then she over-delivered. She was kind and sweet and kind to the kids. It was an amazing experience.
And I have to say that she's the type of business owner that I'm always inspired by and I hope to be as well.
Okay, so moving on to today's subject, difficult clients. I wanna start with something that may sound a little bit harsh, but I want you to stick with me because I know this is gonna be super valuable. So Here's the thing most of us don't want to admit. Bad clients are usually a symptom of bad leadership. By this, I am not saying that there's not difficult people to work with. Absolutely, there are people who, will push our boundaries, who are hard to keep satisfied.
Yes, those people do exist. But I've also seen when I've worked with my clients that a lot of the client problems come because we, as the business owners, are not showing up as the owners, leaders of our business. We're not setting the right boundaries. We're not communicating clearly, and then we start resenting our clients.
And the sad thing is that when we don't manage our clients in the right way, we start resenting them, and then we start resenting our business, and then we start underperforming, and then becomes this, negative cycle in which many people end up closing their businesses because of this.
And in my experience, when I peek behind the curtain, when I really get to understand what is happening that a company is struggling with difficult clients, I've seen it comes down to three different things: clarity, ownership, and follow through. So that's what I'm gonna talk about today. So first, let's talk about clarity.
Many business owners think they know who their ideal client is, but they're actually not clear. Because it's not just someone who can pay for your products or services. It's someone that aligns with your values, that values or is willing to pay or wants to pay for what you have to offer, who can pay on time, who is excited to work with you, who also is clear on what is it that they want, especially when you're offering services, so you can match their expectations.
And the reason why I think many of us are not clear is first, because maybe we haven't taken the time to sit down, to really think about all the qualities our ideal client would have. And second, because secretly we're a little bit scared that we won't find another client or that there's not enough clients.
So we start taking the clients that are coming without putting our filter to determine if they truly, truly are the right clients for us.
And when those clients that we accepted because we were scared we're not gonna get another client, don't meet our expectations, start behaving in ways that don't match our values, then we call them difficult clients. But really, it was on us to begin with, to be clear on what clients we wanna work with, and to say, "No, this company or these people don't match our values, are not the right client for X, Y, and Z," especially when they have the money and they're willing to pay.
When we don't get clear on who our ideal, and when I say ideal, it's our dream client , we say yes to everyone, we tolerate misalignment, and then we blame them, when really it was our job to put the filters first. And when we don't believe that there are enough clients of the ideal clients or that our ideal clients don't exist, then we settle for less, and we over-accommodate to whatever the request of those people are of us, even when that goes against, our values, procedures.
I've met entrepreneurs in the past who have services businesses who are losing money on clients because they weren't clear on the scope, on the number of revisions or, you know, the resources that were gonna go into a project. They were in such hurry to get another client that they didn't evaluate it well, and then they're stuck with a client who has all these expectations of them and of their team, and they end up losing money. So if you don't define who you wanna work with, you are going to accept anyone who's going to show up.
So if right now in your business you're dealing with difficult clients, take a moment, sit down, connect to your desires, connect to your values, and make a list of all the things that are important to you when you're accepting clients. Don't just focus on the ideal client from a marketing perspective.
Think about it in terms of communication, values, and even the excitement you feel when working with them.
So that's number one, clarity.
The second reason why we create difficult clients, is because we lack ownership. We lack ownership of the relationship we have with them. We believe that the relationship is simply happening, and that it's them that we need to blame when things are not working right.
To explain this a little bit better, I wanna share a tool I learned in my coaching certification at the Life Coach School that is called the manual. The manual basically means that all of us humans, we have an instruction manual for other people. It's a set of expectations we have of how other people should act, behave, feel, react, and we all do this unconsciously, and not only for clients, we do it for everyone around us.
But the manual has two problems. First, that we rarely communicate that manual to the other person, which is related to the first point, right? We have a manual of how our ideal clients should operate, and yet we haven't even written down and communicated that to them.
And the second problem is That even if we communicate to other human beings our manual and we're very clear with our expectations, that doesn't mean that people are always gonna follow through with what we want them to do or they will not meet the expectations in exactly the way we want them to.
And that is true because we cannot control other people. As much as we want to sometimes, people are just people, and they're gonna do what they do. I'm
Few months ago, maybe a year ago, I met this woman who was having a problem with difficult clients.
When I asked her, "Why are your clients difficult?" Her answer was, "They don't value what I have to offer. They don't value it in the way that I think they should value it." So then I asked her more questions to really understand what was going on.
And there were two main issues. One, everyone that she ran across or most people she was selling to were asking for discounts, were asking for a special price. And two, when she started doing their work, they had a lot of input about how she should do her work.
And the way she interpreted those behaviors was that they didn't value what she had to offer. So her manual, right, her unconscious manual for them was, "If you're gonna hire me, you don't ask for a discount, and you basically shut up while I do my work, and then you like what I do. And that's the way I will know that you actually value me and my team and the work we offer."
Well, first of all, they never communicated that to people, right? And when people asked for a discount, they would give it. And when people had additional requests for the work, they would offer them. They would go above and beyond serving the clients. But it wasn't from a place of, "I wanna delight my clients."
It was from a place of like, "Ugh, we have to. We have to do this because the clients are so annoying, and they keep requesting things, and this is so hard." And those are two very different energies So I explained to her that I've met other people who have very similar manuals to her, right? Like, you don't ask for discounts, and you let me do my work, and you need to like it, and that she could operate from there.
In fact, I know this architect that I love his work, but everyone who's hired him has told me that the experience of working with him is he sets the price. He never gives a discount. And once you hire him to build your own house, you have a couple of meetings explaining what is it that you want, and after that, you cannot comment.
The architect will build your house in the way he thinks it's best for you. one of my friends hired him to build her house, and not only to build her house, but to buy all the furniture and decorate it. And I went to her house, and it's absolutely gorgeous. It's so beautiful. , I asked her a couple of questions.
I was like, " is so beautiful, this piece of furniture. Where did you get it from?" And she responded with, "I have no idea."
He chose them. The architect chose them. And she loved it that way. She didn't wanna get involved. She fully trusted him. She's known his work for many years now. So he has very clear rules of the type of client he wants. On the other hand, my parents recently built their house, and they thought about hiring that architect.
But when they learned the rules he has for his clients, they decided not to hire him because, my mom, had been doing a lot of work imagining how her ideal house was gonna be, and she wanted to give that input. So I told this to my client, and I said, "Listen, you get to choose-" What are the filters?
What are the rules that you set for your clients? You get to tell them, and then you also need to uphold them. But manuals for clients need to be clear, need to be in the open. But also, when your clients don't follow your manuals, you also need to decide how to respond to that.
So for example, with one of the rules I have with my clients is that we find a date and time every week where we meet, and we keep it for the most part during the six months or the year they're working with me. Every now and then, a client asks me if we can reschedule, we can move it to another time.
I also have a policy that if they tell me to reschedule in less than 24 hours, they're gonna forfeit the session. And most of my clients are amazing at it. They're really respectful. But every now and then, a client will say, "I'm sorry, I got caught up in a meeting," or, "My flight changed. I'm not gonna make it in to my appointment that is in two hours."
And in those moments, I don't blame them. Even if they send me a quick message saying, "Hey, I'm sorry I'm not gonna make it to our appointment in two hours. Can we reschedule for tomorrow?" I don't get upset with them. Yes, in those moments, they're not following my manual, but I'm still not a victim to their choices.
I still get to say, "No, I'm sorry. My policy is you need to reschedule in 24 hours. "You need to forfeit your session this week." Or I get to say, "Yeah, of course. No problem. We'll find a time tomorrow," which usually is the way I lean, Not because I cannot uphold my own boundaries, but because truly my clients are amazing at it, and I understand that every now and then we all have a conflict that shows up in the last minute.
That said, if this becomes a pattern, I feel fully capable and willing to have the difficult conversation to reestablish the boundaries. So to summarize, manuals are the set of expectations we have for other people. And one, we get to make them explicit and tell our customers what are the rules of engagement with our company.
And two, when our clients don't follow our manuals, we have the power and we have the choice to not feel victim to that and to decide how we want to manage their request. Or when they cross a boundary. We have to take ownership for the relationship.
When as business owners we start feeling that the relationship is owned only by the clients and that we're victims to them because we haven't dealt with our own inner stuff of wanting to always be liked, to be a people pleaser, to be scared of difficult conversations, we cannot blame them. This is a leadership issue, and it's about taking ownership of the relationship and making sure that we always remember that we are in control, that this is our business, that we set the rules, and that we get to decide what to do when people don't follow those rules.
and the third category where I see difficult relationships not working is because we might have gotten clear on who we want our clients to be. We might have communicated our manuals and our expectations, but then we are the ones that don't follow through with that. So we're clear, but we still accept clients that don't meet the criteria.
We're clear, but when someone crosses a boundary, we're so scared of having the difficult conversation that we stay quiet. It's related to what I was saying earlier, but it's clarity, ownership, and follow-through. It's really building the consistency within ourselves to follow through with the rules that we set and being able to enforce them and even have consequences when it's not working.
Listen, we can all fire clients. We can all decide that even when if someone has paid us money, if things are not working, we can say, "This is not working for us," give them their money back, or find a way to end that relationship, of course, from integrity, from upholding your own values.
And thankfully, in the 15 years that I've been a coach, I have had to maybe fire one, maybe two clients that I can remember. And the reason why I fired them was because I was seeing that the coaching wasn't working for them, and I didn't want them to be paying me money and not getting the result they really wanted. And in fact, one of these people, when I brought up the conversation to say, "Listen, I don't think coaching is the right tool for you in this moment," she was really upset, and even when I had the conversation with her, her response was that in her perspective, she was getting something out of coaching and that she wanted to continue. She wanted to continue paying me. we re-agreed on certain rules and we kept working together, but I knew because I'm a coach and I have the experience, and I know when coaching is being truly valuable to someone, and I knew this wasn't the right choice for her. So even though she was disappointed, even though I think she was really upset with me, I made the decision because one of my core values is to serve my clients and deliver results.
And in her case, she needed a different type of therapy for what she was dealing with in that moment. So we all get to fire clients. We get to fire clients for many different reasons. We get to have conversations that can be strong and clear, but also loving and staying in connection with them while we fire them, while we hold our boundaries, while we have difficult conversations.
So having difficult clients, although we all agree that there's people that are harder to work with than others, but when we're having lots of difficult clients, it is usually a signal that there's something in the way we're leading that is not working well, that there's an opportunity for us to grow as the leaders and owners of our own business
So I think the goal is not to avoid difficult clients. Our goal is to show up as the best leaders we can be and have difficult clients become the exception every now and then and not the norm. And even when we find someone that's hard to work with, I truly believe that if we expand our leadership, we understand the driving forces within ourselves, we can become the type of people that can work with anyone.
Not that we're gonna work with anyone, but that we can work with anyone. All right, my friends, I'm so curious to hear how you manage difficult clients, so if you wanna send me a message to info (at) carolinazuleta (dot) com and let me know maybe some experiences you've had, how you've dealt with them, or questions, I'll be more than happy to read your messages and answer back.
And until next time, We're gonna continue exploring the pursuit of being visionaries, business founders, and leading the business that we all want.
All right. See you later. Bye.
If you're currently pursuing a big, bold idea and would love some support, let's talk. In my coaching program, I'll teach you how to manage yourself, your own thoughts and emotions. as well as your team and your money so you can turn your beautiful idea into a reality. Go now toĀ carozuleta.com slash consult that is c a r o z u l e t a dot com slash consult and complete the form to book a complimentary call with me.
See you there!Ā
